idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
