I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
