I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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