Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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