I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
