My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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