Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You can't motorboat a personality
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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