I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
