is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
