Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize