I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
