I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
