Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
