i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
