Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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