you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
