You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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