As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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