wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
