You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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