did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
