Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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