i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
