either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
