new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's always time for handjobs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
