I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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