"it" just moved
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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