apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
