with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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