I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
