I just pynch a tree in the face
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
