Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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