Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
