Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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