I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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