i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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