Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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