Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
