Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This baby is an asshole
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
