I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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