He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We named our party play list daddy issues
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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