You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
