okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
