Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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