around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
