Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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