Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
