dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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