i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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