I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
