jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have fence marks all over my body
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You don't make any sense
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