Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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