He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
