she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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