She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You pole danced in your parka.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
