I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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