So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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