Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
