i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
