Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
