I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
