Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
