dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
