Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
