Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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