Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
