My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
there is glitter all over my balls
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
