I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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