The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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