We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
