hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
