Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize